When they touch me (Shelagh Milano)

Chapter 44 Artemisia

As I step into the office, my heart stops.

Cayden has his face buried in his hands, and I feel so much desperation at seeing him like this, that I could cry.

I would like to step around the desk and hug him, but that would hardly be appropriate.

“Please take a seat,” he says with an exhausted sigh, and I sit down, keeping silent.

As he passes a hand over his face, it looks like he is about to think about how to start the conversation. I give him time to come up with something, but as he still doesn’t say anything, I decide to speak first. “What is happening, Cayden? What are you all keeping from me?”

“I’m sorry, Missy. But I can’t talk to you about that now. Not yet. Unfortunately, it’s not my place to do so.” He says calmly, worry flashing in his eyes. “Fynn has to make a difficult decision, but I’ll see that he won’t have you hanging for too long. He can’t play with you without taking responsibility for what he will cause.”

His worry transmits to me as his encoded speech just triggers my anxiety.

Shifting in my seat, I clear my voice, trying to remain calm. “Is there something I can do? Or something I have to look out for?”

“No,” he shakes his head. “I guess we will have to trust the Goddess that she will lead us onto the right path. All you can do is go with your instincts, maybe it will help him do the step he has to take.”

“I can’t keep chasing him and acting like he isn’t absolutely horrible to me,” I say, regretting my words immediately.

Then, even if they sounded so confident in my head, I don’t like what they allude to.

“I understand you completely, Missy. And you don’t have to. If you want to take your time and decide to take your distances until he will be honest with you, you have all the right to do so.”

Scoffing, I lean back into my chair. “What if he just breaks into my room again? What if he finds me somewhere alone and acts like he always did until now?”

“Try to have your phone always ready to call me. I’ll do my best to have you protected. Warriors are always around and ready to mind-link me. He won’t harm you, and I’m sure that he will let you be. I’ll talk with him again.”

Nodding, I bit the inside of my cheek, not really convinced anyone could do anything about it.

‘See, you should have done better, and fought for Rick.’ I have to fight the urge to gag as Cassy growls in the back of my head.

Even if Fynn is absolutely the worst, I would pick him over Rick anytime. I straighten my spine as I ignore her, and concentrate back on Cayden. “Thank you. I’m sure it will be alright.”

As the awkward situation we are in is already a happy gathering, I decide to be a better person, and get one thing about me off my chest. Clearing my throat, I get him to look at me questionally. “There is something I have meant to tell you since I have come here, and please accept my apologies that I didn’t tell you earlier.”

“If it’s about your wolf, you don’t have to worry,” he answers, still looking at me as if he just told me that I had only two months left to live.

“Huh?” is all I’m able to push out as I freeze on the spot.

Shrugging, he takes a file from the pile sitting on his desk and opens it. “It’s strange that a wolf wouldn’t want to communicate with her mate, even if she was overwhelmed with the situation. They are feisty beings and can surely handle their primary instincts less effectively than we would be able to. So, I had my men do a little research, and as my adviser got everything they gathered, it was quite easy to add two and two together.”

He crosses his hands over the file and his expression darkens slightly. “Also, you were afraid of something. And seeing the rumour that is going around about our pack, it was easy to find out what the problem was, actually.”

I gulp, staring at him agape.

My mind is a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts, and my brain can’t keep up with trying to untangle the mess, failing to let me form a coherent thought.

“Is it true?” I whisper finally, my throat feeling dried out. “The rumour, I mean.”

Shaking his head, he gets me to take a deep breath of relief, making me feel like it is the first proper amount of air I get in ages. “I know that we made our mistakes and that your pack has a certain prejudice about us, but I guarantee you that I would never harm a pack member because of such a thing. We have enough strong warriors in here to be able to make up for any physical strength someone else could be lacking.”

I am not quite convinced if I can really trust him fully, but my heart already feels a lot lighter at the thought of it.

“Okay,” I say with a nod, kneading my fingers.

“I’d like to show you the daycare facility tomorrow if you don’t mind.” He seems a bit more unburdened, but I’m still missing a smile. “They are planning their annual excursion with the pups, and I would like you to help them out and go with them.”

“Oh, I would love that. Thank you,” I say with a smile.

Lowering his eyes onto the papers in front of him, he nods. “Perfect. Usually, it would be a task of the Luna, but as she is keeping us waiting… I think everyone will be happy about the future Beta female taking part.”

Finally, a small smile appears on his lips, but it is far from the one that I wanted to see. “And I am very happy that I can do that. I’ll make everyone proud. By the moment the Luna arrives, I will be able to introduce her to everything. I was trained accordingly, you know.”

“I never doubted that,” he chuckles lightly, its sound troubling me as much as the thought about his Luna.

‘See, told you. Discard the mutts.’ Cassy snarls once again. And I shake myself as if wanting to free myself from her and the painful thoughts.

“I hope Fynn didn’t ruin your happy spirit. You are precious to us and I hope that you’ll see that a bit more clearly every day.” Cayden tears me out of my thoughts and even if his words are warm, his expression turns back to being gloomy.

My heart makes a little flip in my chest, and I fight to hold my smile upright. I would like to tell him that I want to go home until they have figured everything out, but I guess I will be missing everyone here as well. I don’t belong back home anymore, and I have to do my best to be happy here. “Don’t worry. You are all so lovely to me, I could never be in a bad mood around here.”

The atmosphere, which even before wasn’t the best, now seems to lie heavy on my shoulders.

Cayden looks like wanting to say something else to me, but whatever it might be, it loses the fight against his serious demeanour.

Suddenly, he acts all busy and I take the hint that it is my time to go. Standing up, I thank him and get another sad smile in return.

As I leave the office, and close the door silently behind me, I am ready to have a hearty breakfast… Even if lunch would fit better, seeing how long all this kerfuffle took.

Descending the stairs leisurely, I pass Matthew’s quarters, finding the door ajar.

After having looked around, as if I was doing something forbidden, I bite my bottom lip and finally decide to go inside.

I find him in a room on the right, and actually, it is a wonder that I’m able to utter something without sounding like an idiot.

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