Scream For me

JADE

A month into the job, I was ready to pull my hair out of my head. Not only was Aaron a pain in my ass, and we clashed all the time, but I

also struggled to juggle my work at Hannah’s with the au pair job.

I’d told Hannah I had difficulty staying focused in the office and asked her if I could leave at lunch every day to keep working from home. She’d been sympathetic with meshe knew how much I struggled, and maybe she hoped it would make things easier for us if she gave me what I needed.

I didn’t tell her that I wouldn’t be working from my home, but Aaron’s. I didn’t tell her I wasn’t only trying to get away from the distractions. I was trying to fix my mistake.

I was relieved she’d allowed it. It was still tough to do it, and I worked hard to keep my head above water, but after a month, I still had my job, and neither Hannah nor Aaron suspected anything weird was going on.

I wasn’t in the office all the time, but I’d never done so much work before. When it came to my turnaround, she had nothing to complain about.

It was another reason she allowed me to work remotely for half the day.

I did as much as I could while I was with Ben. Two afternoons a week, I took him to the chess club, where he learned how to play, and I sat outside, waiting. I answered emails and went over placement files while I waited for him.

When he had his swimming lessons, I checked in with au pairs to make sure they were happy, and whatever I didn’t have a chance to do during the day, I caught up at night. Sure, I went to bed a lot later, and I was tired more and more, but I had a job that paid well, and I was getting extra money as an au pair, too.

That and Hannah hadn’t realized how I’d screwed up. Aaron didn’t know that I should have sent someone else or that I wasn’t an au pair. No one knew any better, and I was in the clear.

I just had to keep things this way.

It was getting harder and harder because Aaron was a difficult man.

“He’s grumpy as hell half of the time,” I complained to Olivia one night when we sat together at a bar in town. She had the night off for a change, and I needed to get out and let my hair down. I had some emails to take care of, but all I did lately was eat, work, and sleep. I would take care of those in the morning. “Sometimes, I think he’s going to fire me and be done with it, but then he doesn’t. He’s so cold with me. It’s like he can’t stand me in his house.”

“I thought he was so dreamy,” Olivia said, sipping on a Cosmopolitan. I sipped my Vodka Tonic.

“Well, yeah,” I said. “He’s gorgeous. Sometimes, when we’re together, and he’s talking to me, everything gets electric, and I get so hot and bothered. I think something might happen”

“You think something might happen?” Olivia asked, interrupting me.

“but then,” I added pointedly. “He turns away, and the next day he’ll be such a grump with me, making me wonder if I imagined the whole thing.”

“Maybe you are imagining the whole thing,” Olivia pointed out.

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not. It’s so sparky sometimes.”

Olivia giggled. “Did you just call sexual chemistry ‘sparky’?”

“Well, yeah,” I said and blushed. I nudged her. “You know what I mean.”

“I think you’re stuck in a fantasy where the guy sleeps with the nanny. You know stuff like that doesn’t happen in real life, right?”

I sighed and fiddled with my straw. “Yeah, I know. It’s not like I want anything to happen, anyway.”

That wasn’t entirely true. I had dreams about him more often now. I’d dreamed at least twice that we’d slept together and another time that we did a whole lot that wasn’t sex. What was up with that?

It had to be the sexual tension between us. Sometimes, it was so strong that I could barely breathe. And other times, I was pretty sure he hated me; he was so irritated with me.

“The month is up now,” I said. “Today is the last day, and he hasn’t told me he wants to get rid of me, so I guess that’s something.”

“It is!” Olivia said and held her glass up in the air. “To you making your probation. Sort of.”

I giggled and took my glass to clink it against hers, but I fumbled it, and the glass fell over, pouring the contents out over the bar.

“Shit,” I muttered as the alcohol ran down both sides, splashing onto my jeans before I could jerk away in time.

“Here,” Olivia said, grabbing a wad of napkins from her other side and handing it to me. I mopped up the bar before pressing one of the napkins into my pants. It wasn’t nearly enough.

“You’re going to need another one of those,” Olivia said and raised her hand to catch the bartender’s attention. She ordered another drink for me while I tried to dissolve the chaos.

“I think it’s a bad sign,” I said. “Knocking over my drink when we’re saluting this job…” I shook my head. “Maybe I shouldn’t wait for him to fire me. Maybe I should quit.”

“What?”

“I know. I love Ben, and it will suck to leave him behind, but I’m not an au pair. This whole thing is a facade, and I’m lying to Hannah. Maybe I should tell Aaron it’s not working out and find him someone else through the agency. That way, I can go back to my job”

“Which you hate.”

“and stop juggling and wondering what’s going on with Aaron.”

“And then?” Olivia asked. She finished her cocktail and told the bartender to fill her up, too, while he was at it.

“What do you mean, and then?” I asked

“And then what will you do? If you quit now, you’re back at square one, doing something you hate, not knowing which way to go with your life. Right now, you look like you enjoy your work. You like spending time with Ben, right?”

“Right,” I said. “It’s just complicated because of Aaron.”

Olivia nodded, and I made up my mind. I didn’t have to wait for him to tell me this wasn’t workinga job went both ways, and I could say to him that this just wasn’t a good fit and be done with it. Once I stopped lying to everyone, I could breathe easier, too. The relief I would feel was already promising, and I nodded, confirming it to myself. When I see Aaron tomorrow, I would tell him I would give him one more week, so he could have time to find someone else, and then that would be that.

Olivia and I started talking about other things, and the alcohol flowed as freely as our conversation. Olivia was swaying on her feet by the time she got up to go.

“You’re leaving already?” I asked.

“I have work tomorrow, and I’m already going to be so hungover. I hate being on my feet in the hot kitchen. I better stop now so that I don’t die altogether.”

I scrunched my nose. “Fine, I guess we can call it a night.” “You don’t have to go,” Olivia said.

“And drink alone? That will just be sad.”

Olivia giggled and leaned closer for a hug. When she hugged me, I stumbled, losing my balance, and we both nearly went down. We finally let go of each other, giggling.

“I’ll talk to you soon,” she said. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, okay?” “You always say that,” I said.

“I always mean it!” Olivia said, her voice a little too loud before she waved and left the bar.

I sat back on the stool and sighed. It was better for me to leave, too. Tomorrow, I had to see Aaron and Ben again, and dealing with Aaron, telling him I was done, was going to be hard enough. To do it while hungover, and to tell Ben that I was finishing up with a headache, was going to be a bitch.

I hated that Ben would be the one at the shit end of the stick when I walked away. He was the only one I didn’t want to hurt, but this was business. I had to look out for myself, and I couldn’t keep juggling everything and lying about it.

Quitting was the best thing to do.

I grabbed my handbag and left the bar. Just as I walked out of the door, I bumped into someone.

“Oh!” I cried out and lost my balance.

Large, strong hands grabbed my arms, keeping me upright.

“Careful,” a deep, familiar voice said. I frowned and looked into his dark eyes.

“Aaron?” I asked. “What are you doing here?”

“I was about to ask you the same thing.”

“Girl’s night,” I said. “I was just on my way home.”

“Oh,” he said. “I was just arriving.” Despite only just arriving, Aaron looked like he’d been drinking. He slurred his words a little, and his eyes didn’t quite focus on mine. His eyes slid over my face and down my body, making me blush.

“I have to talk to you,” I said. It might as well be now.

A little voice screamed at me that I was drunk, and this was the worst time to tell Aaron that it wasn’t working, but I was drunk, and I never listened to the little voice when I was in this state.

“Yeah?” he asked. “What is it that you want to talk about?” “About my job,” I said.

Aaron shook his head. “Oh, no. This isn’t the time to discuss business. I’m off the clock, and you should be, too. We can talk about investments tomorrow.”

“I don’t want to talk about investments. I want to talk about me being your nanny.”

Aaron squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “Right, right. You’re the nanny.”

I frowned. “You didn’t know who I was?”

“Of course, I know who you are. I just…it’s been a long day and a lot of alcohol, and you’re…I’m not thinking straight.” I blinked at him. “I quit.” “What?” he stared at me.

“You heard me. I think it’s better if we work on finding you a better match.”

“Ben loves you.”

“Yeah, but you don’t. I don’t know what it is about me that rubs you the wrong way, but sometimes I think you can’t stand me, and I don’t think it’s a good work environment.”

“It’s not about me not liking you,” Aaron said.

A couple walked out of the bar, and Aaron took me by the arm, pulling me aside to let them pass. We were still standing right in front of the entrance to the bar.

“It’s about Ben liking you,” he added.

“Sure, but you still give me hell sometimes, and I don’t think it’s right.”

Aaron shook his head. “I won’t accept your resignation.”

“So, you’re going to force me to keep working for you!?” I cried out.

“What are you going to do about it?”

“I can just not show up at his school tomorrow,” I said.

Aaron narrowed his eyes at me. “You wouldn’t do that to him.”

Damn it, he was right. I would never do that to Ben. I couldn’t think about something I could do to spite Aaron if he wouldn’t let me go. My mind swam in alcohol, and it was hard to think straight.

“What’s your problem with me, anyway?” I demanded.

“I don’t have a problem with you.”

“You don’t like me.”

“I don’t not like you.”

“That’s a double negative,” I said.

Aaron rolled his eyes. “So, I said something wrong…sue me. You’re the most unorganized person I’ve ever met.”

“What?” I cried out. “Do I have to be perfectly organized to look after a child?”

“You didn’t even bring your documents to our interviewthe one place you should bring documents to.”

I didn’t have an answer to that. I could tell him the truth, but that wouldn’t go down well.

“Well, you’re grumpy and a pain in the ass,” I said. “You’re very sullen and unapproachable for someone who works with people as much as you do.”Còntens bel0ngs to Nô(v)elDr/a/ma.Org