Good intentions 2
I jumped up and stood before him, nervously straightening my skirt. “What are you doing home so early?” I barked, feeling more embarrassed than at any other time in my life.
“It’s the first Tuesday of the month.”
At that moment my head was swimming, so I asked, “What does that mean?”
“It’s always early release for teacher’s meetings on the first Tuesday of the month. You know, half days.” he replied.
Of course, how could I have forgotten? I was so caught up in my errands and then, well, you know, I had lost focus. Feeling like a complete fool, I just had to get out of the room. I quickly walked past him and muttered, “Your laundry’s done.” As I did, I couldn’t help but notice the large lump in his slacks and wondered just how long he had been watching me.
I did my best to avoid Kyle the rest of the day, but over dinner there was obvious tension in the air. Needing to address it, I finally said, “I’m sorry for invading your privacy today. I shouldn’t have been in your room.”
He gave me a soft smile and said, “It’s okay, Mom.”All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.
We ate in silence for a while longer, but I had to bring up the elephant in the room. With more than a bit of anxiety, I asked, “You saw what I was doing, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” was all he said. Obviously, he wasn’t going to make this easy on me
“Well, I know some people say it’s sinful, but I want to let you know that masturbation is normal and healthy,” I stated, I’m sure sounding rather more clinical than I had hoped. He just looked back at me, as if at a loss for words. For some inexplicable reason, I asked, “Do you masturbate?”
His face went red, but after a pause he slowly nodded his head. “It’s completely normal sweetheart. You have nothing; I mean nothing to be ashamed of, understand?” He simply nodded again.
Although I was feeling pretty embarrassed with everything, I added, “Remember, if you have any questions or need anything, just ask.”
He answered, “Okay, Mom,” and we both went back to eating in silence.
Things seemed to get back to normal quickly, albeit with a few minor changes. Instead of playing on the computer in his room, Kyle would usually set the laptop on either the kitchen or living room table. We would chat while he played online, and sometimes he tried to explain why he found it so interesting. His passion for the games was lost on me, but I loved our new closeness regardless.
There was one change in me as well. As I said, I have always been a sexual being, but had never at all had been an exhibitionist. For some reason, after the little mishap in Kyle’s room, I suddenly became titillated at the idea of being watched. On more than a few occasions, I rubbed myself off in bed, imagining someone peering in the window, or viewing me in some other way. It was new and sexy, and I really liked it.
For some reason, I felt compelled to alter the way I clothed myself each day. I found myself dressing a bit spicier, and even went without a bra at times when I went about town. Kyle was home from school when I returned from my errands. If he looked, he would have seen the jiggling of my unencumbered breasts under only a thin cotton top. Or maybe he would have preferred to gaze at the sleek legs running down from under my short skirts. And to be honest, I think he did look.
We had somewhat settled into a regular routine at home. I had almost completely gotten over the shock of Kyle catching me in his room, when out of the blue he floored me with a question at dinner one evening. I could see there was something on his mind, so I asked him what was wrong.
He blushed profusely, but then began, “Well, you know how you said if there was anything I wanted, to just ask?”
I was truly excited for what was to come, wondering if he was finally going to open up to me. Maybe he’d share some tidbit of his past on which he needed my advice or support. Nodding enthusiastically, I replied, “Of course.”
He took a deep breath, and then said, “You remember, ummm, the other day? When I saw you in my room?”
Instantly I felt sweat breaking out all over my body, wondering just where the hell this was going. I nervously responded, “Yes.”
Very coolly, he stated, “I want to watch you again.”
I don’t think six simple words had ever shocked me so much. “What?” I shouted, not believing what I just heard, “You can’t be serious!”
“But you said you’d do whatever I wanted.”
“Holy Shit, Kyle! That’s not what I meant, and you know it!” I yelled, dumbfounded that he would actually have the gall to ask such a thing.
“Fine,” he muttered, and rose from the table with his dishes. I watched in stunned silence as he rinsed off his plate, set it in the dishwasher, and started towards his room.
I shouted to him before he made the hallway, “Kyle, I can’t believe you just asked me that. There’s just no way I can do it.”
He waived his hand towards me dismissively and stated, “Typical.”
I stood and yelled back to him, “Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It’s always been like this,” he replied, sounding exasperated.
“What do you mean?”
“When I was a kid, you said I could ask for anything, but I never got it. I’d ask for special cereal in the grocery store, and you’d say it was unhealthy. I asked for cool clothes, and you said we couldn’t afford them. Same with the school trip to Washington, D. C. You always say ask, but the answer is always no. Why do I even bother?” He ranted on and on, then walked into his room and slammed the door.
To say I was stunned would be the biggest understatement of my life! I sat back at the table and tried to come to grips with what the heck had just happened. I had to admit, he was correct in some respects. Being a nurse, I never let him have the sugary treats that were the staples of his friend’s diets. And of course, we were never wealthy, living in a fancier town than we really could afford, so we went without in other ways. I never dressed Kyle like a pauper, but he was not exactly the school trend setter either, that’s for sure.
In spite of all that, there was just no way I could intentionally masturbate for my own child. How could he ever even think I’d agree to that? Did he believe that just because I purchased him a couple adult magazines, and admitted I played with myself that I’d just put on a show for him? I was astounded!
I let my nerves calm down for a few minutes, and then went to his room to talk to him. I knocked on Kyle’s door, and heard a loud, “Go away.”
Despite his comment, I turned the knob and went in anyway. Kyle was at his desk, on his laptop, and looked at me with anger clearly written across his face. I softened my own as best as I could and said, “Honey, let’s talk.”
“What’s the point, Mom? You’ll talk; I’ll listen, just like always. But nothing will really change.”
I tried my best to control my nerves, but I was rapidly tiring of his attitude. “Kyle, I’m sorry if I’ve let you down in the past, I really am. But this is one thing that just will never happen. I shouldn’t have been in your room, and I’m sorry you saw what I was doing, but that’s it. It’ll never happen again.”
Kyle stared back at me with daggers in his eyes, then said, “Fine, Mom. Can you close the door on your way out?” With that he turned back to the computer and began typing away.
I was pissed! I walked out and slammed the door behind me, needing to get away from my son for fear I’d say something I would regret. I don’t think I had ever been so upset. I found myself pacing back and forth from the kitchen to the living room the remainder of the night, silently continuing to argue with Kyle in my head. When I finally climbed into bed, I suffered through one of the least restful night’s sleeps of my life.
The next few weeks were like silent torture. Kyle found reasons to be out of the house, even spending some nights at his father’s place, which I know he didn’t like to do. On the rare occasions when he was home, he was constantly in his room with the door closed in protest. Over dinner I’d receive the silent treatment, before he’d clean his plate and leave me alone once more.
Boy, I had really made a mess of things. I was mad at Kyle, but even madder at myself. All my intentions had been so good, and now here I was feeling the worst I had in my entire life. If possible, I felt lower than I had during my divorce. I tried to engage Kyle in conversation on a few occasions, but he’d either waive me off or ignore me completely. Almost every evening, I’d cry myself to sleep wondering how I’d let this all happen.
One night at work, Diane, my lesbian friend, struck up a conversation with me. She seemed to know something was wrong and asked me if everything was okay. I broke down in tears and told her I was having trouble with Kyle. She ushered me into an empty patient room and closed the door, then stood behind me rubbing my shoulders as I cried. I must say, it was wonderful to have someone so close, and I found myself leaning back into her for support. My emotions had been so on edge of late, I basked in her attention.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” she stated as she softly kneaded my tense muscles.
I began blabbing about Kyle, and how we weren’t speaking, but of course I couldn’t tell her why. Words poured out of my mouth, basically telling her I felt like a failure as a mother. She was wonderful and listened to everything without judgment. “That’s it, let it all out,” she said as she caressed me.
When I calmed down a bit, Diane wrapped her arms around me in a tight embrace, and then softly began kissing my neck and cheek. I actually twisted my head to provide her better access. She must have been encouraged by my reaction because her hands slowly moved up my tummy until she was cupping my breasts. Diane whispered in my ear, “Let me make you feel better, Jill.” I almost fainted.
With my busy work schedule, I rarely had time to date. In all honesty, I had not been intimate with another person in over a year, and never with a woman. But at that moment my body was simply on fire.
A moan escaped my lips as she rolled my hard nipples between her fingers. She seemed to intuitively know exactly what I liked and began toying with all my hotspots. Her kisses moved up the tender flesh of my neck until she took my earlobe between her teeth and gently tugged it playfully. At that very moment she ran a hand down my belly until she pressed it up firmly against my mound.
A huge part of me wanted to give into the sensations and just let her take me, but I simply couldn’t. I was nervous about being with a woman but was also terribly afraid of being caught in such a compromising position at work and possibly losing my job. With a great effort, I forced her hands away and almost ran out of the room, saying, “I’m so sorry, Diane.”
That morning I drove home slowly, wanting to arrive after Kyle left for school. I went to the bathroom and took a long hot shower, trying to wash away all my troubles. As I soaped my chest, I couldn’t help but remember the feel of Diane’s hands on my breasts. She had been so gentle with me; the moment was almost magical.
After I exited the shower, I toweled off and made my way to bed. My body was still tingling, certainly ready for more attention. I grabbed the small shoebox I kept hidden in the back of the closet and pulled out my vibrator. Other than my own fingers, it was the only thing that had been inside my pussy in ages, and today it was going to get a workout.
I eased myself down onto the bed and basked in the softness of the cotton sheets against my naked skin. My fingers twisted the base of my toy to turn it on its lowest setting, and then I began teasing my nipples with the tip, one at a time. I thought about Diane once more as my nipples grew hard and wondered just what else she would have done to me if given the time. I imagined her rubbing them, and then bending over to kiss and suck them.
My chest rose and fell with each deep breath as I worked my nubbins. The fire in my loins that had started earlier had not been extinguished, so I ran the vibe down my belly until I contacted my pussy. The hard plastic tip slid easily across my wet labia as I caressed the entire area, drawing contented sighs from my lips. After only a minute or two, I couldn’t wait any longer and eased the fake cock into my cunt.
I twisted the base once more and turned the toy up higher, in great need of more stimulation. Feeling it probing my insides, I suddenly forgot about Diane and instead imagined a young stud sliding his prick deep within me. My mind first went to Doctor Whitney, a surgeon who was frequently seen on my floor. He was married, but rumor had it he had been with half the staff. Word at the nurse’s station was that he was quite good too.
For some reason, at that moment I suddenly thought of Kyle. My eyes quickly went to the door, needing to ensure nobody was there watching me as had happened before. I was relieved to find that I had closed it tight, and at that time he should have been safely in his second period class at school.
I tried to refocus on Dr. Whitney once more, but his face kept slowly morphing into that of my own son. I did my best to fight the image, but as I began driving the vibrator in and out with greater urgency, it was Kyle’s face that I saw. I spite of myself, when I came, I whimpered, “Oh Kyle!!” My hips rocked violently as I rode the orgasm out as long as possible, before I rolled into the sheets, desperate for sleep to take me.
My mind was quite troubled the next few days. Kyle was still avoiding me, which was actually okay given the fact that I had been fantasizing about him both in my dreams and when I toyed with myself. I was also ashamed of how I ran out on Diane at work.