His Nasty Virgin

JESSE

I was aware of the disproportion. All this space, yet I was the only one here.

Wally hadn’t returned any of my calls or texts, I wasn’t in contact with Vivian anymore, and the prospect of going to the office to work displeased me. I didn’t feel like putting on airs, dealing with employees, running into clients. I didn’t want to deal with anyone who wasn’t my son or Vivian, and they were the only people I couldn’t reach at the moment. Maybe ever again.

I tried slipping back into my usual routine, the one I followed religiously before Vivian waltzed into my life. A hearty breakfast. Rigorous workout. A hot shower. Then immediately answered urgent emails and approved security plans on my laptop.

It should have felt good to get back in the rhythm of things. I was good at this, the whole keeping to schedule and getting to the grind.

Yet I couldn’t shake the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Everything was just so bland and repetitive to the point of boredom. To make matters worse, the penthouse was too fucking quiet.

No matter what I did, I couldn’t distract myself from her absence. I felt like there was a hole inside me, one I couldn’t fill with menial tasks or other meaningless distractions. I couldn’t count the number of times I turned expecting to see Vivian, only to find that she wasn’t there.Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

I knew that getting involved was going to be messy. I should have known that I’d get burned again.

Except this time, it was my own doing. I had no one to blame but myself.

The guest bedroom still smelled like her, the faint trace of vanilla lingering on the sheets and in the air. I stared at her empty bed, remembering the sound of her lovely laugh or the brilliance of her smile. It made my chest hurt, knowing I could no longer experience it in person.

With a heavy sigh, I wandered into the kitchen for something to snack on. Not because I was hungry, but just because I was bored and needed something to keep me occupied.

Had I stooped to the level of stress eating? Vivian would laugh if she knew.

“Why is there so much damn tofu?” I grumbled bitterly, slamming the fridge door closed.

I didn’t like this. Any of it. Feeling listless… I wasn’t used to it. I was the kind of man who had a plan and stuck to it. Followed and completed tasks step-by-step. Now I had nothing to do and I didn’t know what to do with myself. It gave me way too much time to think, and being alone with my thoughts was proving to be a challenge.

My son wasn’t talking to me.

I couldn’t be with the woman of my dreams.

When did everything fall apart?

I nearly jumped out of my skin when my phone buzzed.

Was it Wally? Was it Vivian?

Nope. Just Theo.

“Hello?” I greeted, gruffer than I intended.

He chuckled. “Did you just wake up or something? You sound like death.”

“I’m fine. Anything to report?”

“All’s clear. Lance just messaged me. He’ll be arriving shortly to transfer Vivian to Ridge Point.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. Lance was one of my more veteran bodyguards. He understood the ins and outs of the job, and most importantly, he was dedicated. If I couldn’t protect Vivian myself, at least I knew she was in good hands.

“Keep me posted,” I said.

“Ridge Point, huh?”

“Yes.” I squinted, unappreciative of his questioning tone. “What of it?”

“Oh, nothing. We normally reserve Ridge Point for our high rollers.”

“It was the only safehouse available on short notice.”

“Is that so? What about Bayview? It’s been sitting idle for months.”

“There’s too much traffic,” I argued. “It’d be a nightmare getting out of the area if she needed to make a quick escape.”

“Mm-hmm.”

I huffed. “What? You questioning my judgment?”

“Not at all. You’re the boss, you call the shots.”

“Damn straight.” Then, after a deep breath, “How is she?”

“Good,” he answered simply.

“That’s it?”

“Do you want a full medical and psychological report?” he asked words dripping with sarcasm.

“Don’t be a dick.”

Theo chuckled. “Man, you’ve got it bad.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit.”

“You know what? Forget I asked.”

“Vivian’s good,” Theo said quickly. “She was feeling a bit ill this morning, but-”

“Ill? What’s wrong? Do we need to send the on-call doctor?”

“No, nothing like that. Dinner just didn’t sit well with her, that’s all. I love my wife very much, but sometimes her cooking can be a bit…” Theo made a sound, indicating his uncertainty. “Ava gave her a Tums. She’s much better.”

“Good, good.”

“What’s going on between you two?”

I stiffened. “Nothing.”

“How long have we known each other?”

“Too fucking long.”

“So you should know by now that I know when you’re lying.”

I smacked my lips, relenting. He was right. Theo was one of the few people in the whole world who could read me.

“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, Theo.”

“That’s a first.”

“It just… It happened so fast. I didn’t mean for it to, but…”

“Have you told her how you feel?”

“What’s the point? We can’t be together.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“Well, for one, she’s young. Young. I don’t think she wants to settle down with someone my age.”

Theo outright laughed. “You’re so stupid.”

“Shut the fuck up. I’m being serious, man. She deserves to be with someone who isn’t going to weigh her down.”

“Jesse, I think I’m uniquely qualified to tell you not to worry about it. Trust me. The sooner you tell her how you feel, the better.”

“Believe me, I would if things weren’t so complicated.”

“What’s the problem?”

“My son. Vivian and Wally used to date. He found out about us yesterday.”

“And judging by your tone, I bet it went swimmingly.”

“Oh, yes,” I mumbled dryly. “So great. I don’t suppose you have any advice about seeing my son’s ex-girlfriend, do you?”

“No, sorry. You’ll have to figure that one out by yourself.”

“Thought so.” I ran a hand through my hair. “Keep me posted on the transfer. Let me know if she needs anything.”

“Will do, boss. Hang in there.”

I ended the call, tossing my phone onto the kitchen island. I couldn’t tell Vivian how I felt. Things weren’t that simple.

The truth of the matter was that I didn’t do things in halves. When I committed to something -someone- I committed wholeheartedly. Marriage. Kids. The whole nine yards. I could imagine her with a ring on her finger, puttering around a house that I bought for her to live comfortably. Maybe a bun in the oven.

But I didn’t know if I had the strength to do it all over again. I thought I’d found happiness with Melissa. I gave everything I could and that still wasn’t enough. I wasn’t as naive as I used to be; I wouldn’t let rose-tinted glasses skew reality anymore. What if things between Vivian and me fell apart like they did with Melissa?

And even if Wally were on board with our relationship, how would it work? Vivian was still in college. She had goals and aspirations. Her life was just beginning. I doubted she wanted to get married so young. I doubted she wanted children. She certainly never made any mention of it. What if we wanted different things? What if we got together and she eventually came to resent me for it?

I couldn’t stand the thought.

Vivian was beautiful. Intelligent. Funny and sweet and all things good. I was sure she’d eventually move on. Find someone more her speed, more aligned with her life goals. Vivian would settle down when she was ready, and start a family with someone she could grow old with.

I convinced myself that it was better this way. It had to be.